Jako, iż poniższy skecz przewija się ostatnimi dniami bardzo intensywnie w moim otoczeniu postanowiłem spisać jego treść. Łatwiej tak cytować 😉 Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much indeed.
An lesson this evening is taken from the Gospel according to Saint John. Chapter 2, beginning at the first verse.
And on the third day, there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee. And it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. And the mother of Jesus said unto the Lord, they have no more wine. And Jesus said unto the servants: „Fill six waterpots with water.” And they did so. And when the steward of the feast did taste of the water from the pots, it had become wine. And he knew not whence it had come.
But the servants did know. And they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord: „How the hell did you do that?” And inquired of him: „Do you do children’s parties” And the Lord said:”No.” But the servants did press him, saying; „Go on, give us another one!”
And so he brought forth a carrot, and said: „Behold this, for it is a carrot.” And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange, with a green top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot, and then removed it, and lo, he held in his hand a white rabbit. And all were amazed, and said: „This guy is really good! He should turn professional.”
And there came unto him a woman called Mary, who had seen the Lord and believed, and Jesus said unto her:”Put on a tutu, and lie down in this box.” And then took he forth a saw, and cleft her in twain. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said: „Oh ye of little faith!” And he threw open the box and lo, Mary was whole. And the crowd went absolutely bananas. And Jesus and Mary took a big bow. And he said unto her: „From now on you shall be known as Sharon, for that is a good name for an assistant.”
And the people said unto him: „We’ve never seen anything like this. This is great. You shouldn’t be wasting your time in a small one camel town like Cana. You should be playing the big arena in Jerusalem!” And Jesus did harken to their words. And he did go on to Jerusalem, and he did his full act before the scribes and the Pharisees and the Romans.
But alas it did not please them in their hearts. In fact, they absolutely crucified him.
Here endeth the lesson.
Opracowałem na podstawie: Rowan Atkinson Live oraz własnego tłumaczenia.